[幼儿期（2-6岁）]教你怎么样才能夸出好孩子

朋友的儿子刚上初一，孩子的成绩虽说不坏，但也不怎么样，在班里总是甘于中游，考试从来没有得过100分。以前，朋友总是责备儿子不用心，贪玩，后来参加了家长学校，聆听了一位教育专家的讲座，懂得了“好孩子都是夸出来的”。于是，朋友反思自己，改正了批评责备的教育方式，多给孩子鼓励和赞赏。他对儿子以夸奖为主，比如儿子考了八十多分回来，他就说“考得真不错！继续努力考100分。”有时朋友还说：“你这么聪明，不比别人差，如果多用点功，一定能考进前三名。”朋友本以为多夸奖孩子，就会激发出儿子的上进心，没想到，儿子一点不买账，一副油盐不进，软硬不吃的样子，朋友表扬鼓励他的时候，他总是不屑地说爸爸“虚伪”。

批评不行，表扬也不行，面对儿子，朋友一筹莫展，苦恼地向我们求教。


当过教师的大李告诉他，你懂得了赏识教育，但并没有学到赏识教育的真谛，赏识教育没有错，作为家长必须知道你赏识的是这个孩子的什么？要想“赏”，必先“识”，也就是认识、知道，只有真正认识到孩子身上的优点、优势、潜能，才会发自内心地赞赏。像朋友的赞美只不过是让原来的责备包裹了一件赞美的外衣，显得那么勉强，言不由衷。因此孩子感觉到的不是赞美，而是虚伪。
无论是以前的责备、批评，还是现在的赏识、赞美，朋友期望儿子的标准从来没有改变，他希望儿子考100分，考进前三名。但是，每个人的性格不同，智力水平也不尽相同，但许多家长看不到这一点，他们总是认为，既然班里有前三名，自己的孩子就应该考进前三名，考不进前三名就是不用功，他们看不到其实班里还有好多孩子从来没有考过前三名，却仍然在一天天进步、快乐地成长。他们看重结果、轻视孩子努力的过程；看重分数，不了解孩子的真正能力；看重对孩子的要求，忽略孩子内心真正的心理诉求。
激励和赞美是孩子成长的加油站，家长不应吝啬对孩子的赞美，但赞美要实事求是，必须真诚。大李批评朋友说，你的赞美就不够真诚，孩子分数考高了，为什么考高了？进步的原因是什么？孩子需要我们大人帮助他一起分析，找到了进步的原因，孩子才能在此基础上进步得更快。一味地鼓励孩子聪明、智商高，一味地喊口号“考进前三名”，对孩子没有实际意义。


大李还告诉我们，想“夸”出好孩子，要做好三个方面：
首先，实事求是地认识孩子。家长最难认识的是自己的孩子，过高、过低地估计孩子的实力，都会挫伤孩子的自信心、学习兴趣。然而这是大多数家长都难以避免的。因此，深入了解孩子的智力、能力、习惯、性格、优点、特长、缺点、弱项等，是赏识教育的基础。家长不能把夸奖孩子当成督促孩子的工具，要对孩子取得的每一点进步由衷地称赞，不要提出不切实际的要求。
其次，抛掉不切实际的幻想，减低标准。每个人的智力都有高低之分，大多数孩子的智力都处于中等水平。大多数家长受感情因素的影响，不自觉地高估了孩子的智力，而不是客观地分析孩子的不足，给予孩子切实的帮助和辅导。智力虽然难以改变，但方法可以通过学习获得。家长应合理降低自己内心对孩子的要求，这样才能发现孩子身上的闪光点。
第三，学会夸奖孩子。作为父母要有慧眼，要努力发现孩子身上的优点。夸奖要有内容，赞美到具体的行为和行动，使孩子知道自己的哪些行为受到了表扬。在夸奖孩子时不要附加任何条件，赞美还要有境界，其实，让孩子受教育的终极目标是为了让孩子生活得更幸福。

要客观认识到无论是小孩，还是成人，都渴望他人对自己的行为及所做的事情给予肯定，这完全是人的本能。动物也是一样。因此，妈妈还要学会尊重孩子渴望得到赞美的心理需求。

赞美还能树立孩子的自信心，让孩子养成良好的思维行为习惯且自己约束自己的行为，也是一条重要的培养自觉懂事又能干孩子的放教法则。

嫉妒心是渴望得到赞赏的另一种表现形式，在孩子产生嫉妒心时，最好是用赞美正面引导孩子，切勿用管教的口气斥责孩子。

当心在对孩子进行赏识放教时误入歧途，要客观地认识到夸孩子聪明的两大后患，与夸孩子努力的两大好处。

妈妈在夸孩子努力时要注意深入孩子努力的过程。

在赞美孩子时要进入到孩子具体所做的事务之中，进行仔细分析，对表现突出的细节给予好的评价，自然就能孩子以具体的赞美。不要图省事、嫌麻烦，给孩子以大而空的笼统赞美。

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